Outer Richmond?

I saw the bison and my eyes teared up.

I saw the baths. I saw the *bath,*

I saw the large undisturbed pool of water!

I saw the ruins. I saw a man standing on a ruin,

He was nothing but a shadow. A man-shaped shadow.

He made it look fun so I climbed up. Beautiful. 

Climbing back down I remembered I’m afraid of heights.

When the hell did that happen?

I feel the fear and try to remember, when did this start?

Did something happen to me?

I loved the bison — I was excited to see them,

Told myself not to get excited in case it was disappointing 

Then decided I would be excited and if I was disappointed at least I had felt this excitement!

And then I saw them and I teared up immediately!

Are bison my favorite animal?

I walk with a thousand programs running at the same time.

The program of excitement at the bison 

The program of happiness in the woods

The program of thinking about LA and that is a deep, deep one and it stretches out long and wide. 

The program of anger at my stupid friend who said something stupid and we aren’t friends and why did I think we were friends and why did she say that to me and how could she say that to me and how could I have been so stupid as to think she cared about me or respected me and how could I have been so stupid and how could she have been so stupid 

The program of ecstasy sitting at the sutro baths watching the disc go down bye sun 

And many more — I don’t have to tell you twice 

You know the way it is, the rivers all flowing within

Many many many many waves the many tides this way and that way like the ocean waves sorry the BAY waves

I saw flowing and I saw the sun touch them as they rolled.

Like a gold blessing. The dying sun blessed with a long golden orange finger the strong young waves. They carried the light forward as the sun died. The light shone right down the middle and the waves rolled on carrying the light. And the depth was dangerous and the people were happy. There was a woman in a wedding dress held by a man in black. Her train looked hard to hold onto as she stepped over the graffitied rocks.

I have taken the sunset into my arms and created it into myself so I can take it back home to Los Angeles and be assured of the truth of beauty. As I ran back to the bus the trees looked so beautiful I raised my arms like an airplane like a child and ran as if I was flying. A core memory unlocked and I retrieved an old joy stolen from me. An owl called out in the dusk and I stared at her. She was an owl shaped shadow calling. I’m realizing now I can recognize something even when it’s nothing but a shadow. What a blessing.