“Took Her to the O” is so catchy that it took me 5 years to stop and wonder why King Von’s date is down for this excursion, like, “Oh cool. O’Block sounds romantic,” especially when Von’s being such a lame dick. It’s possible Von is an unreliable narrator, and he was really talking like a simp to her IRL at the store and in the car, then acting all hard for the audience. But maybe it really did go down like he said and his date has codependency issues. This is a list poem of bad ideas for dates I’ve been invited on by various men who probably dislike me as much as Von seems to dislike his love interest:
Pick up package at FedEx warehouse
Watch him play pool
Double date with Jeffrey Epstein
Double date with his dad, who talked about being a date rapist
Double date with a woman he was cheating on me with
Watch him shoplift a shrimp platter at Gristedes and eat it in the park
Tour temples featured in “Tomb Raider”
Some kind of bike expo at Javits Convention Center
Hike (ugh)
Assist him on a shoot
Medieval Times with his entire family
Scuba diving (the mf knew this was my one fear)
Burp Castle (lol wtf)
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