Am I Evil

I think my belt's too tight or my trousers are often high waisted

enough to choke my stress all the way up to my chest,

it first alerted me in 2020 and the doctor told me relax

even though it was a pandemic and it was pretty

obvious there was a baby in the mix

and I'm stressed now because I am actively plotting

somebody's downfall and am certain I've handed him

enough rope for the two of us and meanwhile I have

a three year old who the other day said this is my penis

and I turned to him and noticed he

had snapped a glasses case shut on his sweatshirt,

so it was dangling there between his legs,

and the news of course and everyone's parents

what are they perceiving at this moment in time?

What is it to be in the middle and wondering how

to moderate everyone's intake

and is this presumed expediency because I've 

lost patience or have we actually run out of time?

My tiny little heart, beating, now I know

what you look like, 

how you looked as I first looked at my son

thank you, thank you, thank you

for going on and not asking anything of me

what did I do to deserve you

your quiet work and what I put you through

and my palpitations are your 

steady protestations

you've earned it, now earn it, you've earned it.