Mom math

 Is it worth stealing the $24.00 steak from
Jeff Bezos (so easy just scan the bar code  so quick it doesn’t register and pretend not to notice)

If as you’re performing “harried mom who doesn’t notice the steak didn’t ring up” the kids’ boot (the pair bought for $23 dollars at the kids resale shop) falls from the bottom of the stroller where it was precariously stashed 

You think “oh that’s good, looks harried, I’ll get it later”

But then you get stressed at noticing the workers who are surveying the checkout kiosks and you become so distracted by your performance and you so embody the harried mom that you don’t in fact pick up the boot and notice that you’re one boot short when your 2 blocks away and the baby has already fallen asleep so it’s a race against the clock to make it home to transfer her to the bed before she hits the end of her first sleep cycle (20-30mins) but you decide to go back because the boot is probably just right there at the register, but it’s not there so you ask the security guard (ironic) who winds you through the store to customer service, where no one has turned in a missing boot but you leave your contact info with the worker and try not to dwell on the 6 minutes of sleep cycle wasted

And you arrive home and trudge up the 6 flights darken the room, and try to take the baby out and unlayer her and get her back to sleep, but she’s slept 32 minutes on your back as you hoofed it home so there’s no more nap and days later you call the store back and still no boot so I guess you call it even 

Stick to just tucking a kombucha in the lid of the stroller and forgetting about it until you’ve left the store