Confessional Poem to be Read in the Style of George Thorogood

 

My writing partner won’t drink coffee at my house

Because it’s disgusting

It’s really not that disgusting

I just make it a little weird

One day I ran out of coffee and I said

You know what? I’ll quit

But I’d walk by the coffee shop

Soon I was spending $10 everyday on fancy coffee

I became friends with all the baristas

I’m codependent, so I make new friends wherever I go

One barista told me he was launching a poetry chapbook

I felt pressured to go for no reason

When I got to the chapbook launch I was uncomfortable

No one talked to me 

I drank some orange wine, even though I don’t drink anymore

I knew I’d made a grave mistake

I could tell they were all thinking

Yeah I told her about it, but I didn’t think she would actually show up

I thought it would be weirder if I suddenly left

I wondered why I even tried to quit drinking coffee in the first place

Maybe it was because I felt judged by this one cheap asshole I was seeing

For spending $7 at Blue Bottle, but I should have been like 

Motherfucker you should see the money I’ve wasted on yayo

My chevy bangin hey-o

I went home and researched espresso machines

My addiction had progressed, so I couldn’t go back to my old machine

I got the Delunghi Specialista

It’s whatever

You know in “Half Baked” when Bob Saget incredulously aks Dave Chapelle

Have you ever sucked some dick for marajuana?

Well under the right circumstances I might suck dick for some decent espresso

But I’m grateful to be privileged enough that I’ll never be confronted by that situation