Celebrity Crush

This year I learned Transcendental Meditation

But I have this problem

Instead of thinking my mantra

I think about my crush

The meditation teacher told me

“Let the thoughts come and go”

I don’t like to have crushes on people I know

Because then when you sleep with them

It’s like you’ve already spent all this time together in your head

It puts you at an emotional advantage (or disadvantage)

I solved this problem by having a celebrity crush

I picked 21 Savage, because sometimes 

All I really want is to put my head on a man’s stomach 

Absentmindedly trace the outline 

Of the Slaughter Gang tattoo on his chest

Tell him boring stories about my day

While he mumbles

“Yeah”

“On God”

“Straight up”

A guy I was seeing asked if I had a celebrity crush

I think he was trying to get a read on my physical type

I said, “Derek Jeter,” because I thought that sounded normal

This guy wanted to gather all my data

He measured my heart rate while I slept 

Found scars on my body I didn’t know I had 

Asked if I am in debt, want kids, and my TM mantra

I said, “no,” “I don't know,” and “[REDACTED]”

My teacher told me me under no circumstances 

Do I tell anyone my mantra

After this man completed his dossier

He almost said “I love you,” 

But then he said, “I love fucking you.”

Nevertheless

I was starting to feel comfortable being seen 

I got too comfortable

I told him the mantra 

And he dumped me 

But I’ll soldier on

Somehow