Monday, January 20, 2025

An Ex-President Downloads Duolingo

He’d planned on learning Italian in retirement

The honeymoon in Florence

Those state visits to Rome, his jokes

going over the head of the Pope


But when he downloaded Duolingo

there was some kind of glitch 

--or maybe more user error--

and the only option left was Arabic


He found it to be an unforgiving language

He’d never been one for grammar

His throat resisted the fruitless torture

of medieval sense and sound:


mother, baby, widow, orphan

cold, hungry, shelter, corpse

arms, legs, siren, crater

oil, water, blood, burst


There’s more to life, he thought, than self-

improvement. He, who always slept

untroubled, now found himself waking

out of unfair dreams each night:


Oily arms

Bloody water

Hungry craters

Sirens sounding 

Like orphans 


With a sense of relief he resigned

himself to quitting after just two weeks

His golf game needed work

The Pope’s English was pretty good


He had no use for Arabic; no plans

to return to those ungrateful lands 

which had turned a deaf collective ear

on all his efforts at teaching them 

a better way of life


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