An essay exploring the following themes of an evening where I was voluntarily the photographer but not expecting the photo shoot to be of positioning a banana and its peel in pinup poses in a miniature handmade bed.
today in nonnie’s honor
i pay bills from bed
oil up my hands
wear my flammable bathrobe
all afternoon
one breast covered the other not
maybe i will unearth
her yellow black mold notebook
the one i put in the freezer
for 3 months
trying to make it touchable
so i could read what she wrote
about sad gratifying sex
with a nameless man
somewhere with a balcony
today in nonnie's honor
i tell the mirror
it could be worse
cut my fingernails
make rice with lots of butter
and eat it
standing up
and just like that
you’re all about it
if i bleed don’t you
twist in vain
no direct channel
i used to hold you
like a bear
you used to sweep me down
past the places
that pooled
thin skin holding in
cellular bloom
golden fur mirror morph
would you choose the circle
this time
hark the herald angels say
all these weird, weird days
what are they dressed as
a snow bunny an oiled up crone
what does your audience look like
dream girl throws you a ball of sting
and pulls you in
litmus tests where the
default goes
demanding throbs lull
new reflexive going
holding a lot
quick to dry the spill
see how all things fit together
or don’t
taper from puzzling
to something wide enough
to melt
like i might want a sandwich
so bad
summon the soft bread
the mustard
the salt and chew
stars out my window
simulated rain under
the flower silk
cradle me back
the old holding
down
nostril flare at the flamingo solo
playing fast and clean
the deterioration is on the inside
you look great
erica used to say that about vodka
it preserves you
straying from the contract
just floating around
old midnight friend
milk dud eyes
my nipple in this sweater
everything happens
you can’t rely on people
they will let you down
only jesus won’t
cross hatch on your brow
hash mark smile lines
deep in a dream of you
high at the wet beach
on a driftwood see saw
lighting cigarettes
with candles
FOR ASTRAEA
THE BRIGHT OTHER WORLD
GOLDEN SWEETIE
TAXES VS BELLS
SKIN (WHAT’S REALLY GOING ON)
FIRST THING
FACE VALUE
HOW TO BE A POLE/NOT A BANNISTER
YEAR OF THE SNAIL
HIGHWAY 212
VANIR
ANOTHER POEM ABOUT WHAT I DON'T WANT/ANOTHER POEM ABOUT WHAT I DO
THROW AWAY
GOODNIGHT GARTH
When you invite a former crush to a performance
And she comes
But leaves before you do the thing that was really good
And a lot of other people saw it
People who care
Who are moved
Who mirror you
Who get it
Maybe even a future unmet crush
What’s with that nagging feeling?
I feel like there’s a lot to learn
From the feelings that come up about who shows up
I don’t care if this reveals me as an amateur performer
Well maybe I care a little bit
I suspect no one is really over it
I’d like to be over it
The girls that think they are cool
When really they are just good at leaving early
It was really good though
The thing I did
I can revel in the people who stayed
And were moved
And lingered
I could learn from tonight